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Taming the Beast: A Guide to Unwieldy Hair

submitted on 17 May 2023 by
Taming the Beast: A Guide to Unwieldy Hair


When the sun rises over the mountains and the rooster crows its cacophonous greeting, one cannot help but stare in horror at the tangled, unruly monstrosity that is their morning hair. A ghastly sight, I assure you. It is at this moment that one must muster the courage and determination to wrestle this hirsute beast into submission. Fear not, my fellow sufferers, for I have delved into the deepest, darkest corners of hair care to bring you invaluable advice, trends, and insights on this most harrowing subject.

The Significance of the Strands

Before we proceed, let us pause to ponder the importance of hair in our society. Hair is not just a mere collection of dead cells sprouting from our scalps; no, it is a symbol of our identity, our health, and our very essence. A glossy mane bespeaks vitality and vigor, while a limp and lifeless mop whispers of malaise and despair. It is a cruel fact of life that we are judged by the state of our follicles, and that is why we must strive to conquer the unruly tresses that plague us.

Know Thy Enemy: Hair Types

It is folly to wage war against an unknown foe, so let us first familiarize ourselves with the different types of hair that one might encounter on this journey.
  • Thin and Straight: Deceptively innocent, these strands appear harmless but can quickly transform into a veritable bird's nest of tangles.
  • Thick and Wavy: Possessing the will of a wild stallion, this type of hair can prove difficult to tame but may be corralled with patience and persistence.
  • Curly and Coarse: The most treacherous of all hair types, these wickedly twisted locks possess a mind of their own and will put up a fierce fight.
Once you have identified your enemy, you can begin to devise a strategy to bring it to heel.

Tips and Tricks for Taming the Beast

Now that we have established our adversary, it is time to arm ourselves with the tools and techniques that will lead us to victory. Prepare yourself, for the battle against bad hair will be long and grueling, but I promise you, dear soldier, the results are worth the struggle.

1. Choose Your Weapons Wisely

An essential element of subduing your hair is selecting the proper artillery. Cheap, flimsy brushes and combs will only serve to further anger the beast. Instead, invest in a quality detangling brush or wide-tooth comb that will gently yet effectively coax your hair into submission. Additionally, a high-quality shampoo and conditioner designed for your specific hair type will help to soothe and smooth your unruly locks.

2. Don't Skimp on the Moisture

When your hair is parched, it becomes wild and unmanageable, much like a ravenous beast that has been denied sustenance. To prevent this calamity, ensure that you are providing your hair with the moisture it so desperately craves. A leave-in conditioner or hair oil can work wonders to quench even the most insatiable thirsts.

3. Employ the Element of Heat (Judiciously)

Heat can be both a friend and foe in the war against unruly hair. While the judicious use of a hairdryer or straightening iron can help to smooth and tame your locks, overheating can cause irreparable damage. Always use a heat protectant spray before employing these fiery tools, and never, under any circumstances, engage in battle with wet hair. The consequences are too horrifying to contemplate.

4. Sleep on It

The battleground does not end with your waking hours. No, the nocturnal realm is teeming with fiendish forces eager to wreak havoc on your carefully cultivated coiffure. To thwart their malevolent intent, consider investing in a silk or satin pillowcase, which will provide a smooth surface for your hair to glide upon, reducing the chance of tangles and damage.

5. Embrace the Power of the Braid

When all else fails, there is one final weapon in our arsenal: the braid. This ancient technique has been used for millennia to subdue and restrain even the wildest of manes. Whether you choose a simple three-strand braid or opt for a more elaborate fishtail or French braid, this powerful tool can spell the difference between a triumphant victory and a crushing defeat.


As our saga comes to an end, take heart, my fellow combatants, for you are now armed with the knowledge and tools necessary to conquer the unruly beast that is your hair. Remember, the battle may be long and fraught with peril, but with persistence, determination, and a steadfast refusal to surrender, you too can emerge victorious, your tresses tamed and your head held high.
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